Where has time gone?

I found the letter below the other day in my scrapbooking stuff. Years ago, I made a copy to put in Austin’s scrapbook to go with his ‘first day of school’ pictures. Now, he is about to graduate high school in just a few months and I am trying to figure out where the time went. I think I cried harder the first day of kindergarten than he did. I remember calling in sick to work that day because I was so upset after leaving him. Now as we begin preparations for graduation, the tears come and go again. Mostly, they’re tears of joy when I think about all he has become and all he is yet to be. I am confident in his abilities because he is confident in who he is in Christ. My heart swells with pride and joy when I see Austin share his love for Jesus and grow in his own personal relationship with God. To see him worship with abandon thrills me to no end.

I am thankful that I was allowed the opportunity to raise this child and that he has become the wonderful young man that he is. He’s still growing up and has a ways to go, but he has a great start on this crazy journey called Life and I know he’ll do well. I pray that he continues to grow in the grace and spirit of our Lord and that he will always be a light to others. I pray that his heart is guarded; protected from those who mean him harm. I pray that he knows 2 or 3 amazing friends in his life that he knows he can always rely on for prayer, support, friendship, and need. I pray that one day, he will truly understand the love we have for him as his parents and how proud we are of him.

August 10, 1998

Dear World,

     My son starts school today. It’s going to be strange and new to him for a while. And I wish you would sort of treat him gently.

     You see, up to now, he’s been king of the roost. He’s been boss of the back yard. I have always been around to repair his wounds, and to soothe his feelings.

     But now—things are going to be different.

     This morning, he’s going to walk down the front steps, wave his hand, and start on his great adventure that will probably include wars, tragedy, and sorrow.

    To live his life in the world he has to live in will require faith and love and courage.

     So, World, I wish you would sort of take him by his young hand and teach him the things he will have to know. Teach him—but gently, if you can. Teach him that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every crooked politician there is a dedicated leader; that for every enemy there is a friend. Teach him the wonders of books.

     Give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on the green hill.    Teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat.

     Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone else tells him they are wrong. Teach him to sell his brawn and brains to the highest bidder, but never to put a price on his heart and soul.

    Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob…and to stand and fight if he thinks it’s right.

   Teach him gently, World, but don’t coddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

  This is a big order, World, but see what you can do. He’s such a nice little fellow.

(Author unknown)
Little did I know at the time I was preparing this for his scrapbook that he would face some of the tragedies and sorrows that he has. He saw the confusion and fear on 9/11 and the days to follow; the uncertainty when we, as a nation, went back to war. He went through the loss of 3 great grandparents, 2 dear friends and even more recently a grandmother. There was little I could do but offer comfort, security, and love during those times but I know he has grown stronger and wiser for each of them. My desire to take the pain and fear away completely was, of course, not met. It is not for us here on earth to do.

So, my letter to the World now would be quite similar. I would add:

Be kind to my ‘little boy’. Teach him gently, but don’t coddle him. Help him to see the joys in the little things as well as the big. Help him embrace his future with full force and with a faith in God that no one or nothing can break. Keep his heartbreak to a minimum but let him grow from each and every experience. Allow him to grow and continue to become the Man of God that he was designed to be.

Medical Mystery and Craziness

As some of you know, Chad has been battling with different health issues for quite a long time. Years ago, while at seminary he started having issues with stroke like symptoms and migraines. They would eventually go away but no one could ever find anything that caused the problems.

The most promising thing we had was from a neurologist about 2 years ago. After visiting all other neurologists here in Columbus except this one we were afraid we were going to have to start asking for a referral to one in Atlanta. The neurologist that we visited then basically said that all of the medication he was on, and there was TONS of it, were not necessary. He told us at the end of the visit that he thought that the problems were due to one of two possible diagnoses. The first was Hypokalemic Paralysis and the other was ALS. When he said the ALS, we were more nervous as Chad’s maternal grandfather had this. However, he reassured us that he really didn’t think that it was ALS because Chad gets better and ALS patients usually only decline in health and don’t have improvements. Of course he wanted more tests, etc. to be run to determine for sure and then…..the insurance basically ran out. BCBS had basically increased the premiums for Chad’s policy to the point where it was almost as much as our mortgage payment each month and there was NO WAY we could afford that. We couldn’t continue with testing, etc. because of the lack of insurance. I started doing some research on Hypokalemic Paralysis and it started making sense. It’s basically a drop in potassium levels that cause the ‘stroke-like paralysis’ symptoms, headaches, etc. We started watching him more closely with diet, he stayed off sodas, drank more juices, and ate more foods with higher potassium levels and tried to also watch the carb intake. He still had some issues but they weren’t ever as long lasting as they had been in the past.

Back at the end of July he had a ‘spell’ and was having to use his cane for a couple of weeks. On the 27th we made a trip with our youth to The Basement in Birmingham and basically he said that “me and God had a conversation while we were there and He told me ‘All things are new!’ and from that point I felt immediately better and didn’t need the cane.” I just love miracles, don’t you!? He had been fine up until this past Tuesday.

On Tuesday (31st) Chad had a seizure like episode that caused a DRASTIC mood shift. Later that day he had another one (probably about an hour or two later) and things completely changed. His mood was better but we realized that he had basically no memory of anything for almost the entire past 2 years. He learned, again, that my stepmother passed away a year ago along with other losses in the family, births in the family etc. He didn’t even remember any of our church family from King’s Pasture (we started going there in October 2 years ago). He has been re-learning people, places, etc. We did have a couple of ‘breakthroughs’ this weekend with this memory loss. We were visiting with some friends and got to talking about allergies. Occasionally I will have a reaction to a spice or a combination of spices and it will cause my face to itch. Sometimes it is more severe than others. As we were talking about it Chad got to thinking and said “when was that last time it was so bad?” Then he paused a minute and said “I know! We were downtown somewhere, like at the Cannon Brew Pub…and we were with them!” (pointing to our friends from church that since Tuesday he couldn’t really remember). I thought about it for a minute and said that he was right. That WAS the last major one I had. AND it happened this past July…as a matter of fact, the Friday after our trip to The Basement that I mentioned earlier. Later on, we were discussing something that happened with a building in Columbus and he made the comment about ‘not knowing about those steel building people’ in a joking manner. One of our other friends from church that was with us actually does steel buildings for a living but we had not mentioned that to Chad at all when we were ‘re-introducing’ him to folks. So that ‘joke’ came from somewhere.

He went to work with his dad today and we still covet your prayers. (I was not able to convince him to let me take him to The Medical Center for a CAT scan because he didn’t want to deal with the bills later.) Pray for complete memory restoration and permanent healing so that we don’t have this situation, or worse, again.

CHANGES

WOW! Has it been a while or what? I always come up with things to say, or at least start, but never can seem to get everything in order to continue. I actually have several ‘rough drafts’ of things saved. This blog thing is harder for me than I thought it would be.

This has been a year of changes, trials, etc. for my family and for some of my friends. As I think about this I am reminded of a conversation I had with a sweet little 84 year old woman this weekend. I was in her place of business and she had opera music playing. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Then she said “I don’t really like opera music. I just try to listen to a little bit of it every day. It helps me grow. Yes, I still want to grow at 84 years old.” I don’t like opera at all to be honest so I could completely see this as a challenge for me if I were to have to do it even for a little while every day. If we don’t have trials and tribulations, changes and challenges there is no way we can grow in our faith in God.

When I look back at these things that have shaped who I am now compared to even a year ago I am amazed in some ways. I know some folks have been through more but this has been a lot to ‘take in’ in a short amount of time. It started with my stepmother getting that dreaded diagnosis of cancer a year ago in January. She made a ‘declaration’, if you will, that she was going to stick around to see her grandson, Brady born. Brady was born on May 17th 2009. We lost Teresa on June 6, 2009. Today is Brady’s first birthday. Gammie is SUPPOSED to be helping his mommy make his first birthday cakes.

Other changes we have experienced are having a 16 year old in the house and a ‘tween’ as well. Our youngest, the ‘tween’, started at a brand new intermediate school. He has had many challenges himself this year learning how to control himself and deal with bullies. One of our other nephews started his senior year of high school and traveled through the journey of his parents’ divorce.

A friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and has been an amazing champion fighting each and every challenge as it comes. Her oldest graduates high school this week too. WOW! How time flies. I remember when he was in elementary school and his beautiful sisters were little.

Another friend has a toddler that has been battling cancer for quite a while. The little guy actually walked 3 laps at Relay for Life the other night; something they said he probably wouldn’t be able to do a year ago.

All of these trials and tribulations, changes and challenges have been shaping all of us into the people we are now and who we will become (good, bad or ugly). My prayer is it’s always the good for my family and friends!

Tonight at our women’s Bible study, we did a personality test that I had done a few years ago. I was a little surprised to see that my results had changed. The personality traits were related to animals (Otter, Golden Retriever, Lion, and Beaver). When I first heard our former pastor do the sermon series on these I was able to determine that, at that time, I was more of a Golden Retriever. After taking the test again today, I learned I am now a Lion. The other traits are still strong but my lion has come out more. I believe now that the reason I was a Golden Retriever then was because my husband was going through some major health issues and I was having to care for him, the children, etc. I didn’t have it in me to be a Lion (that is unless you were to mess with him or my kids). He is better now and I can definitely see where the Lion has roared back to life. Changes, changes, changes! Now I just have to learn to tame that Lion when necessary.

Take some time to reflect on where your life has been for the past year or two. What major changes, etc. have you experienced either directly or indirectly. Have you grown? Someone posted a quote the other day (they were talking about dieting though) “If it doesn’t hurt it won’t work.” Sometimes that is true in life. Some of these things we go through MUST hurt. Otherwise we wouldn’t find the arms of God necessary.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Attitudes

I found this, by Charles Swindoll on a quotes website:
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than future, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable think is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."

Such wise words! The message yesterday at church was basically about this. The pastor discussed the positive and negative of magnets and related that to people. A negative attitude in a person can bring anyone near that person down to a level they don't want to be. "Negative energy attracts negative energy." Do you have that one (or maybe more) family member, friend, coworker that always seems to have the worst attitude about everything? They are usually also constantly talking negatively about others. This seems to be their way of trying to make themselves look/feel better or something. With family, sometimes it's hard to separate yourself from those situations without causing World War III or something. However, we can change the subject, try to gracefully leave the room, etc. This attitude is like a poison and can easily spread itself when allowed. I have tried to be more aware of when I allow this to sneak in on me and try to remind myself that there is ALWAYS someone somewhere that has it worse and that I have no right to behave that way.

The Little Reminders

Ever since I have known her, my stepmother had an affinity for owls. There's a collection of them in the den at my dad's. If you have ever tried to go looking for something that someone collected, you know that it can be difficult sometimes to find either one they do not already have, something that's 'different', etc. We lost Teresa in June after a battle with cancer. It has been devastating to all of us. The diagnosis in and of itself, a year ago this month, was a shock and then to lose her at such a young age was even more so.

Anyway, back to the owls. Over the years at one point or another, we have all tried to add to her collection from time to time. However, owls can be surprisingly difficult to find. When she was in the hospital on her birthday, for a chemo treatment, my husband, sons and I actually found a little candle holder that was an owl. Believe me! We snatched that thing up quickly! After she died, all of us have noticed that we seem to find things with owls on them, hear them around more, etc. I think it is a combination of the fact that we are more in tune to them now than ever before because they remind us of her AND that it is a sign that she is still with us even though we can't see or touch her.

We didn't think a lot about this until other things were mentioned recently, but back this summer after she passed away, Chad and I noticed that there was an owl somewhere nearby our house. We would hear it every night. It went on for quite some time. My sister-in-law realized that you could also find them on clothes and other items more so than ever before. At Christmas, she found our niece Madison a pillow shaped like an owl's head. Then one day she was in a store and found several owl ornaments. She bought them immediately and gave each of the families one at Christmas. This little reminder will always be cherished. In fact, when we took our tree down, our owl did NOT go in the decoration box to be stored away in the attic for another year. It went into a glass cabinet with other keepsakes that I like to display. Teresa's youngest son, Jonathan, went hunting just before Christmas. He said that there were numerous owls 'hooting' all around him while he was there. He said it reminded him that she is still with him even though he can't see her.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season. This one was bittersweet for our family. It was my nephew Brady's first Christmas but it was also the first Christmas for us without his Gammie. Hold on to your loved ones a little more tightly this year and never forget to let them know that you love them.

THANK YOU VETERANS

Today is the day we set aside once a year to honor soldiers who served and are still serving our country. These men and women made the choice to pay the ultimate sacrifice for others to enjoy the freedoms we have. Think about blogging as a perfect example. How many people in other countries do NOT have the freedom to just jump on their computer and speak their mind, ramble about nothing, and voice their religious beliefs? I am sure there aren't very many. I think about some friends serving as missionaries in a foreign country. Because of governmental restrictions, they cannot send or receive emails that have any information about what they are REALLY doing there. We should take today to think about all of the freedoms we are able to enjoy in America and truly think of WHY we are able to enjoy them.

'Thank you' will NEVER be enough for these men and women and their families. The families that have paid the absolute ultimate price in the loss of their loved one serving in the military should also be honored today. We always refer to our soldiers as heros but the other heros are the ones that are left at home while the soldiers are serving and protecting our safety and freedom on foreign soil. The dad that is at home with young children forced into a role of being Mom and Dad; The mom that is at home having to protect and provide for the immediate needs of her children; The young son who was told "you're the man of the house while I am gone" just before dad marched onto the airplane; The teenage daughter that needs the affirmation and love of her father to be very real and at hand when she experiences the first break-up...they are all heros too!

I am thankful for all of those men and women who have given the greatest sacrifice of all. Their own lives! John 15:13: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

The picture is my grandfather, Henry Russell Hartman.

God Moves in Mysterious Ways

We always hear the statement 'God works in mysterious ways'. Of course they are only mysterious to us.

On May 19th 2008, the pastor of King's Pasture Community Church lost his youngest son Joshua (or JZ Unit) after a year long battle with a nasty brain tumor. Josh was loved by everyone he knew. On May 23rd, at his memorial service there were around 100 kids who prayed to receive Christ. Chad took Austin to this service and saw the amazing hand of God on this family, church, and student body.
On August 8, 2008 another family at King's Pasture lost their teenage son, Ethan (or EZ-E) in a car accident. I took Austin to Ethan's memorial service and saw that once again, kids prayed to receive Christ.
Who knew that the loss of these two beautiful young men would have such an impact on a community. The lives that have changed to live FOR Christ as a result of their deaths are an inspiration.

During football season Austin wanted to go to 5th Quarter which is the post game after party that King's Pasture throws after every home game. We took him to one of those and shortly after made the decision to visit the church for a Sunday worship service. We enjoyed the church we were in but after 7 years away for Seminary we were really ready to get deeply involved while we waited on God's time for the church plant we feel led to begin over near our home. We visited one Sunday and never looked back. We were home the minute we walked in the door. Yes, being from 'Small Town Georgia' we knew some people there already but even the people we hadn't met yet made us feel like family the minute we walked in the door. We got involved immediately in the different activities going on and joined the church soon after.

One of my prayers for Austin has been that he would step out of his comfort zone more and find some true friends in the youth group and get involved. God answers prayers!! Over the last several weeks we have really noticed a change in Austin. He is starting to show more concern in his grades, his looks, his behavior towards Noah, etc. He has also gotten involved with a young men's Bible study on Sunday nights. Another prayer I have had was for God to show us how we were going to be able to have another vehicle around when this child starts driving. We have been EVERYWHERE lately and we MAY all be home together for 1 or 2 evenings during the week. It has been hard, with only one car, to get things done.

Last week one of the guys at church, Zach, had told some of the kids that he had been praying and felt led by God to GIVE his 'old truck' to another kid at church, Andrew. Andrew had a 93 Toyota pick-up and had been wanting Zach's 99 Chevy Z71. I think someone said that he was trying to figure out a way to buy it from Zach. Well Zach was obedient after praying for a WHILE to make sure that is what God wanted him to do, and he gave Andrew the truck last Tuesday. Thursday morning we get a call from Andrew. (Keep in mind that these guys all knew that Austin didn't have his license yet because they were giving him rides back and forth to places from time to time. I don't know that any of them were aware that we only had one vehicle.) Andrew said that he knew that God had blessed him through Zach and that he felt that God was telling him to bless Austin. He asked us for permission to GIVE Austin his truck. We told him that if he felt like God wanted this to happen there was no way we COULD stand in His way! He cleared it with his parents, got the title taken care of, etc. and surprised Austin with it last night. Now of course it's Austin's turn to 'pay it forward' as they say. We have advised him to be in prayer for God to show him what it is that he is to do for someone else.

We have been amazed at the love that these young men, and the rest of the youth at KPCC, have shown for God and for others. I haven't seen anything like this before. What teenager (or adult for that matter) do you know that would be completely obedient to God by GIVING away their vehicle, even when they had a replacement? God is doing some awesome things with the youth and college students at KPCC and I honestly believe 'We ain't seen nothin yet!'. He is moving in ways that can ONLY be attributed to HIM. During the snow storm last weekend HE kept all of these kids safe, provided alternate shelter for some who couldn't make it back home over the mountain, and showed up in an AWESOME way Tuesday night to let them see once again HIS hand and HIS love.

God is going to move whether we want Him to or not. We might as well pray for Him to 'GO FOR IT' in our lives and the lives our families and watch him work! Ask Him to put you where HE wants you to be and give you the tools to do what HE wants you to do then be obedient to His guidance.

*The picture above is the back window of Austin's 'new' truck. He is soo thrilled with it and very glad the sticker was already there!